Reporter Alley Cat here. I’m sorry to tell you there has been a crime at The House of 9 Lives. The two suspects seen leaving the scene were reportedly wearing stripes. One in orange and one in gray. No one here is talking, and no witnesses have come forward. A confession is not expected.
The victim’s twin, barely visible on the left, was unable to make a statement.
Inspector Jazz (who was not in the vicinity at the time of the crime) has no comment.
A reward of 2500 pounce treats and 6 ounces of catnip will be paid upon their capture.
Thank you for your help in putting these curious felines where they belong. Now, if you will excuse me, I must retire to a quiet corner and remove the rather incriminating terra cotta shards from my paws. I mean, it’s not like I’ve ever been in a position to jump onto the shelf and knock the topiary over!